Florida Blog – August 2010
The Journey
So here
we go again - another Keen family trip. We are all honoured that Mrs K was able
to fit us in between trips to Malta and Milan. It is the whole gang on this one
which tells you how much we enjoy our trips to the US. We are going back to
Orlando. Back to where we stayed in
2005. I cannot believe it is 5 years since we last visited Mickey Mouse.
There
has never been a similar level of planning, anticipation and excitement for a
family holiday. It is added to by the fact that we are flying on a Sunday which
leaves a whole day on Saturday for the process of ‘baggage management‘, i.e. ensuring that we not only keep to strict
weight limits on flights nowadays but also allow room for additional weight on
the way back. The Keens tend to swarm the outlets stores like locusts and in
2003 we spent 3 hours in the Adidas shop and needed a cupboard of our own to
pile up our boxes. Even Mrs K is only carrying 7 pairs of shoes with her for
our 2 week trip. Believe me that is an
achievement for her.
Cosmo
has been despatched quite happily to Janet the dog-sitter where apparently he
will be hooking up with an old friend, Pippa again. Like Holly said, it will be like Disney for
him too, only better.
We are
outside the front door with our luggage, strangely all present and correct by
6.30am. Jason is notoriously bad at getting up in the morning so he took the
precaution of not going to bed at all but is surprisingly chirpy.
Our large
taxi arrives in good time and we are soon at Terminal 5. Unfortunately it takes
an hour to drop our bags and get through security. What is going on BA? After that ordeal we treat ourselves to a
Gordon Ramsay breakfast which I have to say is a very pleasant experience. Then
after a brief stops at Smiths and HMV we are on the plane and settled into our
bulkhead seats - thanks again Penny!
Miami is
a typical US airport i.e. ramshackle and chaotic. We are guided to immigration and typically
end up in the longest queue (line) which is the one for ‘visitors’. This can be a slightly anxious part of the
trip. Have we completed the immigration
form in correctly? Will we be sent back
to the end of the queue? Eventually it
is our turn and we shuffle forward. Our
official (Greig) is probably the most cheerful we have ever come across (which
isn’t saying much) but when it comes to my turn there is a problem with my left
thumb print. For some reason the
computer keeps on rejecting it. After 3
attempts I start to worry that alarms are about to start going off and the SWAT
team will sweep into the room – there is a guy with a thumb print that matches
Bin Laden! I am assured that it is a
computer glitch but wonder whether that is just a stalling tactic. Eventually we end up moving to another desk. The words ‘follow me sir’ send a bit of a
chill. But all is well. My fourth attempt is successful and the
family throw up a cheer – their driver and financier will be joining them after
all. We grab our passports and head off
to baggage – we are the last passengers on our plane through immigration.
By this
time our bags have been off loaded from the carousel so we spend ten more
wasted minutes waiting in the wrong place, worrying that our bags have not made
it. The next line we have to join is the
one for customs. The queue snakes all
around the baggage hall and a passing official just shrugs his shoulders. But soon we work out there is more than one
exit and we race to the other end of the baggage hall and eventually make it
properly through onto US soil. Welcome
to America!
We are
bussed to the car rental centre which is almost like an air terminal all by
itself. Enoe is our Budget sales
assistant. She looks a bit quizzically
at our booking for a 12 seater minibus.
How many passengers? How many
bags? How many? In my defence, a normal minivan just will not
be big enough and the pictures that I could see of 8-seaters online were those
of minvans with 3 tiny seats at the back and no room for baggage. Enoe sends us down to the garage to have a
look at the vehicles available to see if there is one that is more
suitable. Mrs K likes this idea – she
doesn’t want to be ferried round Orlando in a bus. Enoe has written down some parking bay
numbers for us, some of which don’t seem to exist, and the car she recommends
is not there (according to our man in the garage). But we find something that will probably do
(a Ford Expedition).
We have
managed to downgrade from something slightly ridiculous to a vehicle which is
only slightly obscenely large. It has
been quite a process, especially with Enoe seeming to be in a kind of drug
induced semi coma. She walks in slow
motion like a moon walker to get our contract from the printer but at least I
console myself that we will be due a refund for taking a smaller car. Wrong.
This counts as an upgrade so Enoe needs my credit card. Great.
Anyway
we head off to the garage and after cocooning Jason in the back seat with our
luggage we make it on to the road. It is
3 hours since we landed and we have a 3 hour drive to Orlando ahead of us.
===============================================
Part 2
Miami Typhoon
We set
off on the Florida Turnpike in pouring rain.
The temperature is around 28C but the skies are overcast and with spray
from the oversized cars on the highway, it is tough driving conditions. The plan is to stop on the way for sustenance
but we don’t like the look of the service stations and so except for a very
short stop for water, we keep on trucking, arriving at TGIs near our hotel at around
8.30pm. It is 1.30am UK time so we are
all flagging and Carlos, our server is a bit too full on for us. There is little banter. We eat and run and finally get into bed at
the apartment by 10.30pm – it has been a 22 hour day.
Breakfast
Next morning
we drive out for our first experience of the “piggy all you can eat” experience
which Florida does the best in the world.
We set off for Golden Corral with Mrs K in charge of navigation. After
about 5 miles it seems clear that we are heading in the wrong direction so
Holly takes over and my first instruction is to do a U-turn and head back to
the hotel – we had taken the a wrong turn at the first junction. Holly gets us there in expert fashion and
wonders whether she might be due a promotion to the front passenger seat. No chance says Mrs K.
The
Golden Corral was our favourite breakfast destination last time and it doesn’t
disappoint. The buffet caters for all
tastes. So if you would like to eat
chicken, steak, donuts, whipped cream or jelly, you will not be
disappointed. We all try to restrain
ourselves (with notable varying degrees of success). While I am waiting for my toast, I overhear a
waitress telling a diner: “if my son
says he wants two hamburgers, I say no!
Have one now ...and then have another later”. I kid you not. No wonder America is the most obese nation in
the world. Girls (you know who you are),
if you ever decide to have your annual trip in Florida, you could end up
looking like this.
Anthony
caught me looking unusually happy at breakfast and suggested I start my own
chain with the advertising below. Would
you buy a breakfast from this man?
Pool party
Back at
the hotel we head off for the pool area but our enjoyment is short lived due to
the Sheraton Villas 30th year celebration pool party which involves very
loud rap music and some very dodgy dancing.
Sadly a lot of people join in, which just encourages the organisers. I am getting too old. We are saved by a thunderstorm warning and
return to the sanctuary of our apartment just before the heavens open. Half an hour later it is bright and sunny
again.
Mini Golf
It is a
Keen family tradition that we have a mini golf (that’s crazy golf to you)
tournament while in Florida. This comes
with a handicap system. My initial
handicaps are far too generous and Holly wins round 1 and she is now the no.1
fan of mini golf. She complains about
her handicap adjustment (from 36 to 5).
Back to Disney
Tuesday
is our first visit to a theme park - Hollywood Studios. Last time we were here it was called MGM
Studios. Disney must have sold the name
but it is still a class act and Walt would still be proud. We are out of the apartment by 8am and at the
park gates by 8.30am but hit a snag when I am told that I need photo ID to
collect the tickets. Passport is in the
safe in the room. We are sent to ‘guest
relations’ where the nice lady tells me that, despite the fact that I have the
correct email address, a print of the receipt and a matching credit card, she
doesn’t know who I am. Fortunately, in
the interest of Anglo-US relations, she relents and hands over the tickets and
we file into the line, waiting for the park to open.
Hollywood
Studios is one of the smaller parks and we get round most of the attractions by
5pm. The highlight is probably Rocking
Roller Coaster but Mrs K refuses to try it.
Given that Jason is ‘unwell’ afterwards, it is probably the right call. Mrs K prefers the shows and is crying in the
first song of the Beauty and the Beast show.
‘It’s the music”, she says. Later
we go to the new American Idol show where they recruit ‘guests’ to perform in
front of a panel and audience. It is
very well done but unfortunately the audience have to engage in ridiculous
amounts of frenzied cheering and clapping, even for the 2nd girl who
isn’t that good. The other two acts are
actually very good though. First guys
does a ‘La Bamba’ and the winning girl sings Black Velvet. Mrs K is secretly wishing she could have a go
but doesn’t say so.
Having
still not quite adjusted to the time difference (I was up at 3am) we are
flagging a bit so we leave, foregoing the Fantasmic firework display – will
have to come back another day.
On the
way home we stop for round 2 of mini golf at Disney’s Fantasmic Mini Golf. It is trying to rain but we press on like
true Brits. Holly wins again (even
before handicap) – my humiliation grows.
She and Sian are at the top of the leaderboard. What?
We are
pooped and are all in bed by 10pm
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Part 3 – Shopping Day
Wednesday
starts so well. Mrs K is up at 7 for a run and then goes off to a yoga session
by the pool. Meanwhile Jason and I go for an early game of tennis. Even at this
time of day it is already in the 20s and very humid. As we start to play a
crowd forms. Well, one boy actually. I'm not sure why he stays standing there.
Perhaps he is just starting to fathom the problems with British tennis. Jason
is full of confidence after consecutive victories at mini golf and he starts
with a break of serve. After that I remember that it is easy to beat him. Just
get the ball back over the net and the points will come. Indeed we finish at
6-1,5-1. We have to stop because we have
an urgent appointment with a Sizzler for breakfast. He claims his game was just
coming together and that he will beat me next time.
Sizzler is
on International Drive and is so busy that they run out of plates and pancakes.
I have crossed it off my list. On the next table a mother scolds her child for
making her get up from her chair. ”I'm trying to finish my breakfast”, she
says. I glance at her plate - chocolate brownie and ice cream.
The main
business of the day is shopping. We set off for the outlet stores at the top of
International Drive. For some reason these are called Prime Retail Outlets. But
they look like all the others to me. Parking is a challenge and after driving
round a couple of times I relent and decide to opt for valet parking for $5 -
cheaper than Camberley shopping centre. It is blisteringly hot but the shops
tempt us in with their air-conditioning. Each time we enter a store there is an
'ahhh!' of relief.
Needless
to say there is an obscene amount of spending but fortunately our car is just
big enough to get all the shopping bags in.
Mrs K is told that her two pairs of trainers look almost the same. This troubles her and she resolves to go back
for a third pair to resolve the problem.
Curtain incident
Mrs K
spent some time away from the family prior to this trip and despite spending
most of her time on a beach, she complained that she missed us terribly and,
for some strange reason, me in particular. That feeling has probably worn off
by now. I can now mention the 'curtain incident' as a suitable period of time
has passed. On our first evening in the apartment I tried to draw the curtains in
the sitting room but remarked that it was a bit stiff. I was ridiculed for my
inability to manage menial household tasks. The next evening Mrs K decided to demonstrate
how it should be done. With an assertive swish she pulled the pole off its hook
and broke it.
So it
was time for Mrs K to get her staff working.
Someone to fix the curtain and another to open the safe, which was
locked shut when we arrived. A Spanish
version of Mr Miyagi arrives and sorts us out.
More golf and tennis blisters
Jason
awoke today with nasty blisters on his feet.
He reckons it was because his trainers were not worn in. I assume this is just an excuse to get out of
more humiliation on the tennis court.
Never let it be said however that my kids are not competitive. Yesterday evening we had a session on the
basketball court outside and I ended up with a bruised eye and scratched
glasses for my trouble.
At
Typhoon lagoon Jason is pooed on by a bird – maybe his luck at tennis will
change.
Round 3
of the golf tour and my handicap system starts to click with the 4 kids neck
and neck at the top of the leaderboard.
Holly is unable to repeat her performance of the night before but
continues to hole some amazing putts with her scoop putting stroke – maybe
Tiger should have a look at it.
=================================================
Part 4
Thursday
evening we decide to go for seafood at the Red Lobster. But when we get to the
restaurant the place is packed. There is a Star Wars convention going on and a
lot of the Jedis (in full costume) have had the same idea. So we jump back in
our transport and find another one further up International drive. Our man
Jerome gives us an expert demonstration of how to eat crab. He gets the vote
for the best server so far and best value for his 18% tip.
Walmart and video gaming
On
Friday we make our traditional visit to Walmart! How many tourists in the UK
decide to visit Sainsburys? But Walmart
is in a different league. It is the 6th biggest company in the world
and takes about $8bn a week in sales. We are there for the bargains and to help
them reach $9bn. We stock up on socks and underwear. The store is vast and as
we leave Holly is grumpy because she didn't get a chance to have a proper look.
But the girls are to spend another afternoon at another outlet centre (these
are premium not premier) while the boys head off to Disney Quest. I worry about
the wisdom of leaving my credit card at the mercy of the Keen women.
Disney
Quest is a boy’s dream, even for boys that are 47 years old - wall to wall
video games and simulators. . Unfortunately the place is packed with spoilt
kids with no manners and they hog the machines. Didn't anyone teach them to
respect their elders? I manage to find a
corner on the top floor where I find two games that I know how to play and set
the day's high scores – Frogger and Galaxian.
Holly
has made a rule that we shouldn’t go to a restaurant with a name that ends in
“ey’s”, but we break it with a trip to Shoney’s. Another ‘all you can eat’ buffet. By the way, the other family rule is to
abstain from shouting in public places (except when especially excited) but
that was broken on day 1.
On
Saturday we have an early start as we head for Disney’s Epcot. We are all set
with an agreed park strategy which is very important if one is to avoid long
periods of queuing. We are in the first wave of people to the Test Track and
secure our Fastpasses for 9.30. Then we head off to the Mission to Mars
simulation ride. There is a green
version and an orange version. Mrs K has read in the guide book that the orange
ride is very realistic and not to be attempted by those without the stomach for
such things. She decides to skip the ride altogether. The rest of us go for the
orange. We are warned on about 5 occasions that this is a rough ride and given
the option to duck out. Jason is wavering but peer pressure weighs heavily.
When he gets into the capsule and sees the generous supply of sick bags he
realises his mistake but we are now in launch sequence and it is too late to
exit. We experience take off from earth and a sling shot round the moon before
our hyper-sleep on the way to Mars. Somehow they manage to simulate the wobbly
cheeks on lift off. Amazing. It is a great ride and not so bad as feared but Jason
has to sit out the next ride to recover. Park strategy ruined.
Next we
go to the Soarin' ride which is allegedly the best in Disney. It doesn't
disappoint. The wait is 30 mins - our longest so far but is worth it.
After an
afternoon snooze we go to see Cirque du Soleil at Downtown Disney. Four of us
went to see a show in Vegas 2 years ago but it is the first time for Jason and
Holly. It is one of the most amazing shows I have ever seen. If you ever get a
chance to go, don't pass it up.
Next
morning despite not feeling 100% I drag Jason out of bed for a return match at
tennis. Needless to say I win emphatically 6-2 6-0, matching Chelsea's
demolition of West Brom. Watch out Premiership - the boys in blue are back.
On
Sunday we head to Magic Kingdom for the evening, mainly to see the electric
parade and the fireworks. It’s where
dreams come true. And it hasn’t rained
for 2 day’s running!
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Part 5 – Harry Potter & friends
It is
Monday and we are about to break another family rule. Visit a theme park on consecutive days. But this one is special. It’s Islands of Adventure, part of Universal
Studios and home to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (we’ll call it Harry
Potter World or HPW).
Never
before has a park strategy been so vital but we get off to a bad start when
Sian keeps us waiting and we leave the apartment 4 minutes behind
schedule. Next we miss our turning off
International Drive and have to go round the block. I suggest we try to make up lost time and go
for the preferred (not premier or premium) parking and Mrs K approves of this
shift to a higher implied status. We pay
an extra $5 and are asked to put on our hazard lights - this is an open
demonstration of our importance. But we are
waved to a space as far from the park gates as possible.
There is
no time to complain. HPW is at the far
end of the park and we need to be there early to avoid the horrendous queues,
so small children and disabled persons in wheelchairs watch out – the Keen
family are coming through.
We power
walk the mile and a half from the car to HPW but by the time we reach the main
ride, the wait time is showing 90 minutes!
We have a debate about whether to get in line or not. I take the view that I have travelled 4000
miles to get here so I am going on this ride.
Anthony & Sian join me while the others head off for some refreshment
at ‘The Three Broomsticks’ in Hogsmeade.
Fortunately, we get the option to use the single rider line and we are
at the front of the queue in 10 mins, enjoy the ride and get back to Hogsmeade
in time to sample the butterbeer.
Everyone wants to try it but no-one likes it but Makendy is determined
to convince us it is good stuff so he swaps it for a frozen version (for free) which
goes down much better.
We ride
the other two rides, including the ‘Flight of the Hippogriff’ which is a kiddie
roller coaster. We convince Mrs K that
it will be fine but she doesn’t enjoy it all.
She is in tears before we get to the top of the initial climb and keeps
her eyes shut for the entire 40 second ride.
We pass
up the opportunity to queue for an hour for the privilege of paying $25 for a
wand and head for other attractions. As
we leave HPW we see a line forming of people waiting, not for a ride, but just
to get into HPW! The line goes on and on
for what must be 500m at least. Mrs K
again reflects on the riches of JK Rowling.
Islands
of Adventure is all about the rides.
Jason has lost his confidence on the thrill rides but water slides seem
to be OK. We finish up with the Hulk
roller coaster. Last time we were here,
Sian was too small so as it is her first time, we join the 80 minute line which
this time isn’t much short of an hour due to a technical delay. By then we are all pooped and some suffering
with chafing in parts not to be mentioned due to the water rides, so we head
off for the far reaches of the car park.
The walk back seems to be much longer.
We head
back to the apartment, looking forward to a relaxing night in. The Berkeleys have arrived in Florida and are
staying a few miles down the road - more competitors for our mini golf
tournament.
Next
morning, I am in good form on the tennis court, thanks to my new tennis grip ($2.60
plus tax from Walmart). We won’t mention
the score to save embarrassment. That
evening I set the day’s lowest score at Disney’s Winterland Mini Golf course
and get to write my name in chalk on the board.
No one else is that impressed however.
===========================================
Part 6 – Obscene eating and shopping
We have
two park free days which is a bit of relief, though we hit new highs (or is
that lows?) on the obscenity scale.
Before that though, we spend a lovely day with the Berkeleys, who are in town
for their holiday too. We meet up at our local breakfast buffet to get the day
off to a good start. It is Colin's birthday and we shower him with gifts, most
of which we picked up in the ‘premier’ gift shops on International Drive. The
highlight is a pair of wide-fronts with 'Farting
is one of my hidden talents' on the back. In the evening we set off for a
meal to celebrate in the town of ......Celebration. It was originally
where the Disney workers lived but is now a haven of tranquility in sharp
contrast to the neon on International Drive. The streets remind us of Whisteria
Drive in Desperate Housewives. It is just perfectly manicured in every way -
almost like a cartoon. Despite intentions to leave room for dessert we all fail
despite sharing starters. After the meal most of us are in need of a lie
down. I should clarify that Mrs K has continued to be ‘good’ throughout
this trip. Unbelievable. The rest of us have new food babies, each of
which we have named.
Next day, for some reason, we need another trip to the outlet stores. But
before that we go for a last buffet breakfast. The first one we try is rejected
by Holly - it is just not obscene enough – only one choice of cereal and there
is no toast. So we try across the street at Ponderosa - an old favourite.
At the outlets, our 2 hour stop turns into 4 hours and we have to buy another
suitcase! Mrs K tells me the girls are happy. But they would be even
happier if we could make one last trip to Walmart. While we are there Jason
hunts for a new grip for his racquet ($2.60 plus tax) in the hope it will make
a difference to his game.
In the afternoon (what is left of it), the boys head off for the king of mini
golf courses - the Disney Fairways course. This is more serious putting and
less crazy golf, so the girls opt out. The course record for the day is 68 (par
72) and I manage to get round in a credible 67 but by the time we get back to
the clubhouse someone else has come in with a 59. I am deflated. It is close to 100F and the humidity is so
high we are all drenched.
That
evening we return to Celebration to go to the cinema. The heavens open but we are well prepared
with our Disney ponchos and we dash inside from the car. The cinema is virtually empty. Apart from the restaurant the night before,
we have hardly seen people in Celebration – you just don’t see people walking
around in this heat. We get full
attention at the drinks counter. I ask
for coffee but the machine is not ready.
While I am thinking about what other drink I will have, the girl behind
the counter says she will make a fresh pot and bring it through to me when it
is ready – you don’t get that service in Staines!
Part 7 – yet more.....
How can
I carry on with this blog without mentioning food? Almost impossible. Our holiday is a series of activities to fill
the gaps between meals. Last night we drove a few miles up the I-4 to the Mall
of Millenia in a search for the Cheesecake Factory. Mrs K especially fancied a
piece so off we set. The Millenia is a proper shopping mall, not an outlet
centre, and the place is a bit smarter than our usual eateries. Having come
straight from Magic Kingdom (our farewell to Mickey) where we had to get the
ponchos out again, we are looking a little dishevelled but hey we are on
holiday. The Cheesecake Factory is well worth the journey. We get a round booth
with plenty of room and Josh our server is spot on. We ask him what Chipotle is
and how it is pronounced [chip-oat-lay] (something which has been troubling
everyone). It is a kind of Mexican spicy sauce and we get some free samples to
try. Everyone skips starters in order to save room for the amazing cheesecakes
which are on display. However, after our mains our food babies are playing up
again and only Mrs K has room. The kids have theirs to go. It is a great place
and probably our best meal so far. Fortunately the shops are shut by the time
we finish.
Earlier
at Magic Kingdom, we arrived around 5pm to a car park which looked more full
than a few days before. Fortunately, the
heavens opened again which caused a mini exodus. Families flee the rain but also that other
scourge of theme parks – chafing! If you
have experienced it you know what I mean.
When we are coming down the water slide, Holly shouts to Sian, “Keep
your legs together and it will be OK!”
Mrs K is persuaded to go on the Thunder Mountain ride, even after I
remind her that someone died on it a few years ago. I lose hearing in my left ear for a few
minutes after.
Mrs K
had changed her facebook status to “shopped out”. I know this caused great shock and disbelief
back in the UK and I think the US retail shares took a bit of a dive too. But I can reassure everyone that it was only
a passing phase.
This
morning the girls returned to the outlets as they insisted there was one shop
that they hadn’t been in. I was
reassured that I would be saving a fortune.
So the boys headed off for mini golf in the dark and some arcade fun.
Then we
met up and went to the World Bowling Centre (otherwise known as The Dowdy
Pavilion). It might have been a top
ranked bowling centre once but it more befits its other description now. We have two games and I suffer the humiliation
of Jason beating me in the first game (127 to 124). In the second I get my revenge with a 164
which isn’t bad with a house ball and sticky shoes. Mrs K celebrates a double (that’s 2 strikes
in a row) in this picture.
And you
can see me sparing out in this clip - click
here.
For
those following progress in the tennis, Jason’s new grip ($2.60 plus tax from
WalMart) makes a useful difference but I still win 6-1.
Final chapter
There is
frantic activity in the apartment during our final afternoon. It is the process
of packing and weighing suitcases. We will have 20 pieces of luggage (and a
soft toy - see previous picture of Anthony) to squeeze into the car. Mind you,
it's a good job it's just the luggage that has a weight limit and not the
people.
That evening we go for a final meal with the Berkeleys at Carrabbas. Its
another favourite and we have been saving this one up. Italian cuisine Florida
style with a carry out door for those that want to eat their pasta at home. It
is thundering and lightning outside and we hope that the final round of mini
golf is not rained off. Thankfully it is not and Anthony wins the final round
and ties with yours truly for the overall. It’s another record low score of the
day for me at the testing Pirates Cove course. Lucy also beats Colin but I
might put that down to the massive canoorlie that he had for dessert.
Back at the apartment we finish off the massive game of rummy that has been
going on for days and days. Holly finally wins what must be one of the longest
games in history and wins the $10. Everyone is relieved that we can finally go
to bed.
Next morning we manage to squeeze the cases into the car though Jason has to
sit in a space the size of a formula 1 cockpit. En route to Miami we stop at
Denny's for lunch but we have to wait for a table which gives us a line of
sight to the car where our new possessions (including 23 pairs of shoes) are
located. We all imagine that Miami gangsters have followed us from Orlando to
nab our stuff.
We eventually find our way via the maze of freeways to the airport and get
through passport control relatively quickly.
This is Keen family signing off. Hope you enjoyed the blog. If you are hoping
to meet up with Mrs K you will have to be quick because she is off again
(leaving her family behind) on Wednesday to Milan. For the rest of us it
is about going back to work, school and college, looking for a job (Jason) and
for somewhere to live (Holly). But we will have to manage without her I
suppose.
See you all soon