Keen Blog –
Florida with a twist – May 2019
Part 1
Mrs K looks at me. "Nothing to say to me this morning?" My mind is racing. "Well done for keeping your suitcase under 23kg?", I say. No. "Well done for arranging the taxi?" No. Then it hits me. "Happy anniversary darling!". Obviously I hadn’t forgotten. It’s only 7am and my brain takes a while to kick in. It's 34 years this year. It's a long time since a penniless graduate married a 19 year old bank teller. That seems ridiculous now but here we are.
And if there is one thing that we have learnt over the past year it is live for today. So how do we do that? We go on holiday of course. This time it is Florida with a twist. I reckon it is our 7th time to the sunshine state. This time just the two of us and a rare two week holiday, so hopefully time to chill. It is indeed sunny when we arrive - 90F according to our hire car as we glide towards our apartment on International Drive in Orlando. There are 5 litres humming under the bonnet (sounds like a star wars pod racer) which will probably never be properly used but hey this is America.
There was some excitement at the car rental. Having waited an hour at immigration (the queue was half a mile long) there was a 2 hour wait at Avis/Budget. The problem seemed to be that they had run out of ..er...cars. No apologies from the staff. Apparently our fault for booking on a busy weekend. One irate customer lost his cool and was told to 'shut the f**k up' by one of the attendants. Nice. Welcome to America. Do we blame Trump for that?
It is Mother's Day in the US and it looks like Sea World (which is just along International Drive from our resort) is closed. Fortunately, the shops are open. Mrs K checked. Mrs K is wished happy Mother's Day by about 10 people without any of them really knowing whether she is a Mum or not.
I don’t know why I always fall for this but Mrs K is encouraging me to buy lots of clothes which is something I never do. I do very well and the prices are very good. Best deal of the day was 70% off and then another 20% off (which makes 76% off for those of you without a calculator handy). But then we get to the Michael Kors shop and I realise I have been played. It is dark by the time we leave. An extra suitcase has been purchased and our valet parking man has to help us squeeze it all in to the small boot (trunk) of our hired Mustang.
It is time to eat. We find a diner called Bahama Breeze which I think we visited before. It has a really good vibe. As usual we have forgotten about American aircon. Mrs K puts her rainjacket on in the restaurant. I ask for half a pint but our waitress Hannah brings me a pint instead but says she will only charge me for the half. Just like Michael Kors.
The US is trying to tackle its obesity problem. Every menu we have seen has the number of calories for each course. So now Americans are both obese and suffering from guilt and depression at the same time. Mrs K is being incredibly disciplined. I am not. However, I have bought a pair of new trainers so that excuse to not go to the gym is gone. We are up at 7.30am next morning. I am the man from Under Armour right down to the underpants but without the 6-pack of the models on the adverts. More like a 1-pack. I am running 5km and Gladys is on the treadmill next to me. Looks like she went to the Nike shop yesterday and she really likes peach. I am puffing away but she is walking sedately and playing solitaire on the screen. Multi-tasking. Women are very good at it. I work off 300 calories which is a small fraction of my main course last night.
Today (Monday) is wet. Very wet. Of biblical proportions. The kind of weather that causes a change of plan. We take ourselves back in time by about 30 years and go bowling at Disney Springs – about as close we will get to Mickey Mouse on this trip. In the late 80’s I used to bowl 2/3 times a week and supported a 180 average for a while. But without my own ball, my own shoes and a sticky approach, it is very tough to match those levels. But we both do well. After that perhaps a movie but there is nothing on that we fancy. Mrs K suggests we pop to the shops on the way back. How much shopping can a person want? She complains that her pile is much smaller than mine and we need redress the balance.
On
Monday evening we enjoy our last evening in Orlando at the Seito Sushi
restaurant. According to TripAdvisor it
is ranked 18th out of nearly 3000 restaurants in Orlando. You might say that is a low hurdle but it is
very good indeed. It is probably our
first time in a proper sushi restaurant (Yo Sushi
doesn’t really count). I had a local
beer with my meal. Mrs K asks the waiter
if they have any Chinese tea. She
settles for green tea.
Tuesday
is the next leg of our trip down to Fort Lauderdale.
We
are humming along the Florida Turnpike at 2000rpm quite happily with our Love
bugs. No, we haven't changed our car to a Beetle. The Love bugs come out
in May. They are basically mating on the fly and as we drive through the
Florida swap-lands there are lots of them. Well actually, a few less now
because we quickly get about 200 squished on our windscreen. Two bugs in
the act of you know what make quite a mess. Well, there are probably worse ways
to go. It gets difficult to see so I use the wiper wash. Big mistake. It
looks like someone smeared sun-cream on the windscreen.
In
days past, we would have been driving along in a small bus to accommodate the
kids. Our Mustang is long on style but short on luggage space so we have
2 children squashed on the back seat - our suitcases.
We
are heading to Vero Beach which is roughly halfway to Fort Lauderdale, our
destination. Not much going on in Vero Beach. Everything is so spread out
in the US. By the time we reach the beach we realise that all the nicest places
to eat were 5/6 miles back up the road.
There is the customary island where the rich people live, served by not
one but three impressive bridges. No wonder Americans struggle to
keep their infrastructure in good condition - there is so much of it. We drive on to Port Lucie where Mrs K finds
the Harbour Cove Bar and Grill. It seems safe to leave the kids in the car
here.
It's
a nice spot in a marina. Trouble is the love bugs agree. Maybe we killed
their cousins en route. We think about leaving
but we are tired and hungry and push through. We site ourselves under
cover and under a ceiling fan. The bugs don’t really care, they will do it
anywhere. We decide to eat and run. One bug dive-bombs into Mrs K's salad and
she jumps out of her chair before fishing it out. The ten second rule applies
here obviously.
Next
morning in Fort Lauderdale Mrs K is up early again. We are staying at the W
which is way too cool for me. Very vibey
as Sian would describe it. We cross the
street to the beach where she will join a Shred class. She walks straight past
the instruments of pain that are lined up on the wall and are being watched by
a burly security guy. She is making her way to a line of 6 towels laid
out peacefully on the sand. No, that is the Hilton's yoga class. Get back
here. Fortunately, her fitness instructor Troy arrives and he gets the
thumbs up from Mrs K. I decide to jog
along the promenade. It’s far too cool a place to be called a promenade but I don't know what
the Americans call it. It’s a nice route – a continuous pavement with only
fellow runners to negotiate. I take it
easy for 3 very good reasons. First it is very hot already. Second, I am aching
after the bowling session on Monday. And thirdly, I have a passenger - the 12oz
skirt steak I consumed the night before.
We
spend the day relaxing. Mrs K is
consumed with getting her Instagram followers up to 200. But she hasn’t got her Instagram Mummy (Sian)
to help her. I am being tagged and my
followers have doubled overnight without me even trying, including a couple of
young girls who I have never heard of and of whom Mrs K doesn’t approve. It is mostly cloudy with spots of rain every
now and then. Not the best for lazing by
the pool. But we manage.
On
Thursday it’s yoga day on the beach. It’s my 3rd time and it is not
getting any easier. Even the cross-legged position hurts a bit. The waves are
crashing and I am struggling to hear Carol, the instructor. While we get the
bong and the ohms a pigeon struts past my mat but stops to look at me.
"What the f**k are you doing?", he says. Good question. “Go to
where you are comfortable”, says Carol.
In the breakfast restaurant across the street is my first thought. I am
rescued by the weather. Suddenly a storm blows in and we abandon the class.
It’s
now Friday and my punishment for a visit to the Cheesecake Factory last night
is boot camp on the beach with Al. “I
work out every day”, he says. No
kidding. It is hard work on the sand -
the type that you just sink into and I am slightly broken after the experience
and certainly not in the mood to engage in conversation with Laura from DC who
is 40 and pregnant and wants to share the most intimate details of how she is
feeling, minute by minute. But it is a
glorious day, our best morning yet. The
view from our room is not what we are used to on a daily basis, that is for
sure. Yesterday we had a really nice day
including the Fort Lauderdale Riverwalk, admiring the yachts and riverside
houses, finishing at the classy Boat House for a much needed cool one. We plan a lazy day by the pool and then we
leave tomorrow morning for Miami…and then the twist.
Mrs
K pole-axes me with a 7 letter on her last turn to go 2-0 up in scrabble.
I am a bit like Ajax having led from the first turn, now on the turf face down.
Well actually on my circular sofa by the pool at the W hotel. It is the
first proper sunny day in Fort Lauderdale and the boys and girls have come out
to play by the pool. We are raising the average age by quite a bit.
All
that working out in Fort Lauderdale must have worked because my running app
just told me I ran a mile in 2m 59s. But the truth is I am effectively running
at 19 knots across the Caribbean. We are on the Symphony of the
Seas. The app is not the only one in a twist. We are still trying to get
our heads round the scale of this ship and the operation put on by Royal
Caribbean. The ship is 360m long and is 228 thousand tonnes. There are 6300
passengers on board and 2200 staff. The ship was only commissioned last year
and is the largest cruise ship in the world.
Hopefully that means we won’t get seasick.
When
we first board (Saturday morning) there is a two-hour period before we are
allowed into our stateroom. Imagine 6300 people milling around with small
carry-on luggage and looking for a place to eat. My first instinct is to
get off the boat and run, but Mrs K has a tour of the gym and spa and then we
meet Senny who will be looking after our room. We
have a small balcony but I am still feeling a bit weird watching the waves rush
by. We attend our welcome gathering. The rep tries to introduce us to two
other couples from London. I am thinking that if we sit down with them, we will
be stuck with them for the week so we politely make our excuses.
This
was our view from the top deck as we left the Port of Miami, looking up South
Beach.
The
scale of the activities schedule is just incredible. I make a mental note to
avoid Bingo and the Worlds Sexiest Man competition but we have booked ourselves
into a few restaurants and shows. The theatre is the size of most London
theatres.
Unfortunately,
Mrs K has also found the casino.
On
the first evening we enjoyed the inclusive dining. I must say it was of a much
higher standard than I expected. Table for two, though pretty close to the
tables next to us. A young couple from Miami sit next to us. The guy is
wearing the largest pair of black Dolce Gabbana glasses I have ever seen.
They are both Cuban and he has the peroxide cropped haircut and tattoos. She is
wearing the kind of outfit that I can't possibly look at. I have to concentrate
to stay focussed at eyeline. I didn’t catch their names because they
called each other ‘Babe’. We chat about Premier League football - that
has been recurring theme of the trip. Americans love it and they know the teams
and the top players. The Cubans order 3 main courses between them but I
can barely manage one. I am not sure if I am feeling a bit queasy or just
disoriented. We skip all the evening entertainment and retire for the
evening.
It
is 2 days since boot camp and I have obviously torn some muscles on both
elbows. I can’t straighten either arm fully
and I need painkillers. My chances in
the ship’s Table Tennis competition are not looking good. Its either ibuprofen or alcohol. I go for the latter. Mrs K says it is my fault for being so out of
shape – harsh but true. So that’s why I
was out on the track this morning while Mrs K was in spinning class.
Sunday
night is formal night – so we are told.
We have no idea what that means but we have dinner and a show booked so
will scrub up a bit. Mrs K was maybe a
night early last night.
We have
a mini photo session on the main promenade of the ship (bit like a mall) – we
might share later. I find a new cocktail
of white beer and gin – surprisingly nice.
Then we listen to the captain make a speech. As it is formal night most (but not all) have
made an effort to dress up. There are
some sparkly dresses and a young girl is dressed up like a princess.
Mrs
K wins $14 on a single spin in the casino.
Everyone hears about it.
We
enjoy a sushi restaurant and then a show (Hairspray) – both excellent.
Tomorrow
we arrive in St Kitts.
After
3 days of looking at the ocean I peak through the curtains at 5.30am and see an
island. We think it is St Kitts but when the ship keeps going, we realise
it is Oranjestad, a Dutch island. St Kitts is
another 10km and soon comes into clear view. We are in the St Kitts main
dock by 7.15am. Mrs K is in the gym and misses all the excitement of watching
the pilot move the massive ship into place. I had retired from the track
with a bad knee. I am falling apart. Also 4-1 down in scrabble. Not sure
what is going on. Might be something to do with trying to extract maximum value
from our drinks package.
We
disembark and join a bus tour of a few sights. This is definitely the tour for
the oldies. Mrs K refused to do the quad bike adventure. We move at the pace of
the slowest tourist - pushing his zimmer frame.
As we drive around the tiny town, an American asks our bus driver, Mervyn,
"Is that the court house?" "No sir, that is Courts the furniture
store", says Mervyn. You couldn't make it up!
We
visit a very old guest house and then a fortress which was built by the British
in the 1600s - or to be precise by African slaves. We get the royal tour
by Mervyn following the steps of Prince Harry in 2016. We arrive back at
the shops next to the quay. I get 3 things but Mrs K only 1. That sounds unfair
until I tell you that my gifts were 2 t-shirts and a mug. Mrs K's is sparkly.
Very sparkly. An early birthday present.
Some
Americans are fun to be with. We met Bernie at the fortress who is a cruise
veteran of some 20 voyages. Really nice guy. There is actually a wide range of ages on
this trip. As well as the oldies, a lot
of kids but they tend to be babies and toddlers. Most kids will be in school. We are staggered that so many toddlers are kept
awake to gone midnight.
As
we sit in the dining room on Tuesday evening it is swaying a bit. We are on our
way back to Miami via St Thomas and Bahamas. Last night we ate on the top
deck at a fish restaurant and it was really moving about. But happy to report
we have both acquired our sea-legs.
We
are finally starting to find our way round the ship. Even Mrs K is getting the
hang of forward and aft. She needs to work on port and starboard however. To be
fair there are 24 elevators, all symmetrically positioned, so it can be
confusing. The ship is vast. On Sunday we watched Hairspray in the
theatre and the last two nights we have watched ice dance shows in the smaller
700-seater theatre with an ice rink the size of a tennis court. On
Tuesday night we watched a kind of Cirque du Soleil show at the Aqua Theatre at
the stern of the ship – another 500 seats there and standing room only. It is
an open air show.
The highlight for me was the high trapeze, bearing in mind we are moving
at around 20 knots and it was a bit breezy.
There was also some high diving from what must have been 20m perhaps
into a tiny pool. There are also smaller
theatres for jazz and stand-up comedians. After 4 days we are still finding new
things to do. It’s an incredible enterprise
but ask us at the end if we would do it again. Mrs K says yes if she can
go back to same shop in St Kitts.
Today
(Wednesday), at St Thomas, we took a catamaran out to a place called Buck
Island where we snorkelled, looking at the coral reef and got really close to
come turtles. I managed to leave my
GoPro behind on the ship, which is a shame.
This is another oldies trip. I am
a bit worried how some of them are going to get into (but more importantly) out
of the water given the size of them.
There is an easy option which is just to jump in. One woman goes for this and soaks the entire
boat. Mrs K does well, given her aversion
to choppy seas. She got to know one of
the crew quite well.
We
are now on day 5 of 8 of our cruise with a few
adventures yet to come. Will talk about
that in the final part.
I
must be truly relaxed because I am losing track of which part of the blog this
is. This is part 5 and final bit. To help though, Royal Caribbean puts a
sign on the floor of the lifts to remind us what day it is. That might
help those passengers we see in the casino which is open 24x7 and is the place
on board that smoking is tolerated even though this is supposed to be a
non-smoking cruise. Mrs K has worked through her casino allowance despite
me helping her out with a $28 spin.
On
Wednesday evening we discovered the Jazz club. On entering we found a
surprisingly smallish room with small stage and seating for about 50 on sofas
and waiter service. It was easy to relax and enjoy Denise King running through
a series of jazz and soul numbers. In a ship providing entertainment for the
masses this was surprisingly intimate.
On
Friday morning we were on the track by 8am and went for a latish breakfast. If
you like people watching there is no end of material here. This morning's treat
was the two women who came to breakfast prepared to go straight to the pool
after eating. Dressed in swimsuits and flowery swimming hats.
We
sign up for the behind the scenes tour of the ship. Not cheap, but we are
interested to see how it all works. There is a waiver form to fill out
which runs to 2 pages of legal mumbo-jumbo which effectively says if we injure
ourselves or die it won't be the fault of Royal Caribbean. There is a very
strict dress code and I have to stay sober for a few hours prior. It is
supposed to be adults only but somehow someone has got his 12
year old son into the group of 20.
We
all get the all important security
pass and an earpiece to hear our guide Rupert from Guyana. We are taken
first into the galley. This is one of the main galleys but there are 23 others
on board. Walking through the bakery is a form of torture. We go to the engine control room which is basically
a room with 2 guys and monitors everywhere tracking the performance of the 6
diesel engines. We have to be body scanned before we enter and are logged in
and out. There are all sorts of alarms
going off but we are told it is all fine.
The
kid is proving to be short on manners and his father is oblivious. Emilio
is pushing past people and asking ridiculous questions. We pass the
captain below deck. He is dealing with some more important guests.
The
lower decks from 3 down to zero is a different world. We are taken down
to deck zero via steep stairwells and we visit the storage rooms, the
incinerator and the laundry. Mrs K is impressed with the machines. They press
t-shirts and trousers in a matter of seconds. And there is a machine to press
and fold sheets. We meet the man that must have washed Mrs K’s
undies. He seems happy in his work. We are given a demo of how to press a pair of
trousers. The owner must be a size 60 waist - pretty typical of a lot of
passengers. The heat down here is not pleasant.
The
crew mostly stay down in the lowest decks in tiny cabins. They are below sea
level. I don't fancy their chances if the ship has a sudden emergency.
Last of all, we visit the bridge. The captain is not present but we are given a
short talk by a junior officer who is being watched over by a senior first
officer. The bridge is vast. It has a consol
on both port and starboard sides to control the engines, each of which can spin
360 degrees. That means the ship doesn’t ever need a tugboat. It can manoeuvre
itself.
As
we are gathered around the consol, Emilio is being
his usual annoying self and goes to press a button. Mrs K is first to
speak up. "This child needs some supervision!" Other guests
echo her concern. The father just smiles pathetically. I hope it wasn't
the abandon ship button.
As
we leave the consol, there is excited chatter in the
group but the senior officer barks " this is our office!". We
are tempted to point out that we paid good money to be here but decide against
it. He is a bit scary.
That
was an amazing insight into the complex organisation of a ship this size.
On
Saturday morning we arrive in the Bahamas, or to be precise at Coco Cay which
is a tiny island that Royal has bought and developed into a resort especially
for cruise guests. The thrills of the water park with its 135ft high water
slide have been marketed to us all week but we have thrills of our own
planned. I am between Mrs K's thighs. But before you stop reading, I
should clarify that she is on a jet-ski on the passenger seat behind me.
Those of you that know Mrs K (or who have experienced her aversion to most
boats) will be surprised. She was very worried about getting on the ship and
gets hysterical when on a small rowing boat. But here she is. She sat
very quietly through the safety briefing which was very comprehensive. There
are 9 jet-skis in this group and we are put at the back, though after the first
run we are promoted to no.8. It is quite choppy out there with a 20mph
wind. Mrs K has got hold of my love handles. After a week of endless food,
they are a bit more prominent but they are in fact special handles on my
lifejacket. Mrs K is understandably nervous but after a few runs we get
out to the smoother water and we get up to max speed of 39 knots. Mrs K
did very well. She only screamed a little bit.
The
island has been converted to an incredibly high standard, comparable to a
Disney park except here you have the choice of a pool, the harbour cove or a
few stunning beaches looking out at the ocean. Probably the best thing is that
there are no diamond shops.
Friday
is our last evening on the ship. Another
dinner and another show. The standard of
entertainment is really high. One of the ice dance shows featured a light show
created with 48 drones flying around the arena, flashing different colours. On
Thursday we saw a show called Flight. In the final scene one of the Wright
brothers gets into his plane and flies around the theatre (on wires). On our final evening we go to an adult
stand-up comedy show. No sign of Emilio
this time. We are worried about American
humour but we are both in stitches.
Getting
off the ship is a finely organised process. Just like getting off a plane
except for 20 times the number of people.
We
arrive at our hotel in South Beach, Miami and incredibly are in our room before
10am. It is Memorial weekend in the US and there is a big event going on. All
the armed forces are lined up along Lummus Park beside the beach. The US Navy
Blue Angels are staying in our hotel. The Blue Angels are like the Red Arrows,
except not as good, obviously. One young sailor gets separated from his
team and finds himself in the lift with us. Poor lad, Mrs K is all over him. We
find out that the Angels will be performing along the beach in the afternoon so
we make sure we are in position to see the show.
We
are people watching on Collins Avenue in the early evening. It looks like the girls have come straight
from the beach but a body stocking over a skimpy bikini is the standard
attire. Mrs K is in her sparkly dress
again and I am in my Miami Vice outfit (black shirt and white trousers) but we
are some way behind the times. We
awarded first prize to the 3 girls that left the hotel as we waited for a taxi –
one yellow, one blue and one pink – even the hair. There are some serious parties going on tonight.
This
is us signing off. Will we do another
cruise? Maybe.
Mrs
K is 5-1 up in scrabble. There are no
words.
Thanks
for reading.
