California – August 2007

Day 1

Whenever I leave the UK I always feel like I have left behind a little bit of civilisation. That might be a bit of a stretch given recent freaky weather (snow in Sunningdale in June) and drive-by shootings in London but I can't help it. One's view of San Francisco is shaped but what we see in the movies - Dirty Harry, Mrs Doubtfire, Bullitt, The Rock and Pacific Heights. As always reality is slightly less glossy but intriguing all the same.

Arriving in SF we were picked up by an eastern european taxi driver in a beaten up Toyota minivan which was much the same as the one we were dropped off in by an Asian taxi driver at Heathrow a few hours earlier. Both drivers struggled with our extensive luggage. No less than six cases between the four of us. In fact, a case each for me and the kids and three for Carol.

SF looked exactly as it is supposed to. On a lovely clear day when we had a perfect view of the bay from the plane, the Golden Gate was hidden by a blanket of cloud or fog.

As we struggled to adjust to the time difference of 8 hours we strolled to Pier 39 for a bite to eat before crashing out around 8pm (really 4am).

We tried to sleep in as long as we could but only managed to stay until 6am. By 8am we were in the IHOP next door ordering breakfast. The waitress was shocked when we all declined whipped cream with our pancakes. She shouted the orders back to the kitchen and there was intake of breath around the restaurant. That made consuming our 1000 calorie meal a little easier on our conscience.

We wandered across the city towards Union square along quiet streets. We walked through Chinatown but as we have learnt you never seem to be far from Asians in SF. At one point we passed another family of tourists. After a few yards both families turned and gave each other a wave. We had sat next to each other on the plane. Spooky.

We joined a walking tour of Victorian houses. Our tour guide was Jay. Yep, you guessed it, gay as they come. He spent a couple of hours taking us round the more affluent parts of town and giving us all those interesting facts that we will forget before we get back to the UK. The one exception was the Mrs Doubtfire house which was smaller than we imagined and just 2 houses from Robin Williams actual house. Now that's the kind of commute I could get used to.

Day 2

Dennys say that nothing can beat a cup of their coffee. They are right. It was the worst I have ever tasted in the US. Breakfast diners in SF just cannot compete with those in Florida. The servers are just miserable. I guess I would be if I worked there.

We spent most the day on our Alcatraz visit. It was done really well and you get a really good impression of what life was like for those inmates, gazing across the bay to the real world.

After mid afternoon refreshment we returned to the hotel for our customary snooze. Adapting to the time difference has been very difficult. By the time we have cracked it, it will be time to come home.

In the evening we decided to catch a cable car to Chinatown. In case you didn't know these cables run under the ground and not through the air. They consist of a fairly small wooden car operated by a driver with a number of levers - the most important of which is the brake! It provides a scenic and romantic journey up the hills of SF. However we now know why they have been superceded by buses and streetcars. We had to wait almost an hour to get a ride to Chinatown which would have taken us no more than 10 minutes in a cab. It was worth it though.

Day 3

I begin chapter 3 from the Napa wine train, good for a couple of glasses of wine and wondering how I am going to drive back to SF later. Mrs K is not an option because she has already been on the dessert wine. This is a first class trip. We have tried Francis Coppola's Merlot and were just seated in the dining car for our lunch. We start with hot towels which causes much amusement for Anthony for some reason. He is now inseparable from his Rubiks cube that he purchased yesterday at the Exploratorium (which is SF's version of the science museum). He hasn't made much progress but is entertained by the pretty colours I think. The other guests are mostly OAPs and gay couples so we as a family are in the minority.

Mrs K cannot resist more of the dessert wine and is in need of lie down. Despite the fact that a key market reversal has cost my fund a wedge of performance today I am starting to chill and care less. The wine train proverb is, “A day without wine is like a day without sunshine” How true.

On Thursday the carnage in stock markets is costing my fund even more which leaves me with a depressed mood, especially without the 'sunshine'. Despite sunny weather in SF the mood is worsened by the realisation that Sian lost her camera yesterday. This is as well as having left her mp3 player on the plane. Great.

We wander around some shops and then console ourselves with lunch at a place called Sears just near Union Square, just round the corner from Saks. We have to queue to get in. Like many other places we are seated in a booth which is built for a family of thin people and not for the average obese family in the US (which includes overfed tourists). The food is excellent however so for once the queue is justified.

From there we venture on to a bus with most of San Francisco's down and outs and weirdos and after some walking eventually find Golden Gate Park. A spin on a 'Double Surrey' which is a bicycle for 4 with a canopy, we are fully exerted after only 40 mins of the allotted hour and return it early and go in search of more refreshment. We visit the Japanese tea garden, the highlight of the park and then take a bus back downtown where Mrs K's mood picks up when we spot Bloomingdale's. Luckily I convince her to wait for the outlet stores in Palm Springs. Hopefully there won't be any.

From there we take the 'F' which is a streetcar back to the hotel for our overdue afternoon nap.

Part 4

I haven't mentioned the famous Barry Bonds. We were there! Well, in the same city anyway. We saw a guy buying tickets for one of the games when Barry was likely to hit the 756th home run. He paid over $150 for some average tickets. Next morning we read that Bonds had been rested for that night. When BB eventually connected and sent the baseball into the crowd SF went mad. You cannot turn on a TV without watching a replay of the magic moment. Apparently the guy who caught the ball had to be shepherded from the stadium after being jumped on by about 30 people. The ball could be worth $500k!

A funny memory from yesterdays ride on the double surrey is Mrs K's screaming at any speed over 10mph. Also her furious attempts to steer with the steering wheel on her side of the carriage even though it was just a dummy - and she knew it was too.

I'd like to think we have sussed the city now. Last night we went a bit up market and went to an Italian (actually Sicilian) in North beach. Today we have been visiting the marina area which has loads of galleries and nice coffee shops. We found a nice place for lunch with lots of character across the road from the park and the cable car turntable but it is packed so we end up in an Irish bar for lunch. Barry is on the TV again. From there we went downtown to see a movie. Stardust - just out today. Then back to the hotel. We just needed a snack in the evening after our extensive lunch so made a last visit to Pier 39 and had appetisers in an Italian restaurant.

We leave SF on a very sunny day. Yet again our taxi driver's native tongue is not English, probably Russian. He also has a very annoying way of pumping the accelerator all the way to the airport. The humiliation at the airport is added to by having to take some weight out of the cases. Guess whose? The check in attendant only tells us after our other cases, one containing the spare holdall have trundled off to the plane. She then tells us that our padlocks are not 'approved' and so will probably be broken off, also after all our cases have disappeared. Very helpful. Mrs K makes it through security with a sigh of relief - they didn't confiscate her make up. We prepare ourselves for the short flight to Palm Springs and a 40F increase in temperature.

Part 5

We arrive in Palm Springs to a new crisis. En route we realise that we are one baggage receipt short. Guess what - the case doesn't arrive. It’s the one that had to be repacked at the check in desk at SF. Also our locks are all in tact. The Alaskan airways check in attendant is now officially our least favourite person on the trip so far. The worst part of this episode (which puts it in the crisis category) is that the case contained most of Mrs K's shoes. There are some tears but she is consoled by the fact that we may have to spend most of our 9 days here looking for replacements. The other day when we ate at a Chinese restaurant Mrs K's fortune cookie said something about new shoes. Spooky. The other worry is that the deodorant is also lost. In temperatures of 110F that could be serious.

We collect our car and eventually find our way to the resort. At dinner Mrs K again tries to ask for a bitter lemon. "Bit of lemon?" asks the waitress. Never mind.

The Westin Mission Hills is a luxurious golf resort and the apartment does not disappoint. The best bit is that we will now be sleeping two rooms away from the kids rather than the 12 inches that we experienced in SF. In fact our bathroom in PS is about the same size as our hotel room in SF. Since arriving we have been courted by two separate Westin representatives to explain to us all the pleasures that the Sheraton group has to offer. This will include.a breakfast at which they will attempt to sell us another timeshare. Unfortunately for them they don't know we are battle hardened Sheraton customers We will only go along to listen for the freebies on offer.

Yesterday we got some good news on Sian's camera. We phoned a bakery in St Helena that we stopped at on our way back from a trip to see the Old faithful (a natural geyser which spouts water every 40 mins to about 50 feet). They have the camera and promise to post it to us in Palm.

The other good news this morning (Sunday) is that our missing case has been located in SF and is now on its way to us. Big relief for me but bad news for all shoe retailers in Southern California. Just in case though, last night we set out for Walmart at around midnight to get a few necessities. (Earlier when we had naively enquired as to whether it would be open so late we were looked at as though we were simpletons. "Its 24 hour honey"). At the famous store Mrs K has to fight the urge to inspect every item in the place. We drop over $120 on the 'necessities'. Amazing. By the way that was just on the toiletries. Another $100 on other necessities like food. (and beer).

Part 6

Today (Monday) is the hottest yet at around 110F but mercifully there is a very slight breeze. So it's a little like a fan oven as opposed to a conventional oven. We are cooking on a low heat. Its even too hot for Mrs K who for the first time I can remember has to get under the umbrella. Anthony got some minor blisters on the bottom of his feet from running around the pool!

From the comfort of our air conditioned villa I can watch golfers play along the adjacent fairway. I look forward to playing sometime this week but wonder about the oppressive heat. We hear that this is the hotel's low season due to the temperature. The high season is November & December when the temperature is a much more comfortable 80F and there is snow on the top of the mountains which surround the city. Beautiful. Even so the hotel is completely full (we have tried to extend our stay without success) and mostly with Americans. There are very few foreigners here in the hotel. Later we discovered where they were - read on.

Back home we hear that Jason has been making a name for himself at the news agency where he is working for the Summer. There was an incident at Sandhurst, the military trainiing school in Camberley, in which a female trainee was pushed out of a window by another trainee. She survived but is in intensive care. You may have seen the story in the tabloids. Sandhurst were being tight lipped about the name of the suspect. However Jason got chatting to an officer and managed to get the name out of him and the news agency managed to sell it on to The Sun. As Jason related it to me it reminded me of the famous Dad's Army sketch "Don't tell him Pike!". You have to worry about the IQ of our top ranking servicemen. Anyway Jason has now descended into being a grubby lowlife reporter.

I would imagine that Palm Springs is at the conservative end of the scale but the excesses of America are everywhere. Our small utility vehicle (bit like a Honda CRV) has a V6 engine even though most of the roads have a 50mph speed limit and the speedo only goes to 120. At restaurants we have finally worked out that we don't all need to order an appetiser or dessert. The scale of the portions is just obscene. Even too much for Sian. In some respects however I love the scale of the place. When you go to a restaurant you don't have to make a plan in order to work out where to park and the spaces are big so you can drive straight into it without to go back and forth a few times to make sure the kids don't dent the car next door. When you go to buy clothes and want to try something on, the fitting rooms are big enough to house a small family. Another thing I like about the roads is the ability to creep around a right hand turn even on a red light. It’s almost worth turning right when you don't need to - just for the thrill.

Today (Tuesday) we did the compulsory trip to the premium outlets where we gorge ourselves on amazing bargains. It’s probably one of those few occasions when shopping does save you money. The other day I stocked up on WalMart underwear - 3 pairs for $8. The deal on most things here is that you can here for Dollars what it would cost you in Sterling at home. The added bonus at the outlets is that you can buy at a further discount of probably around 50% on average. I must admit that I did come away with quite a haul but only because prices were right. I won't bore you with all the details but 2 pairs of shoes and a pair of trainers for $60! We leave the 130 store mall with the car loaded up and Anthony virtually zombified with boredom from the experience. A quick trip to the adjacent McD's drive-thru for a milkshake cheers him up. By the way this is where the foreigners are - the place is full of Asians and Europeans loading up on the goodies - surely the US Dollar is cheap at these levels?

On the way back down the highway to Palm, we drive through a wind farm. Our experience of wind farms is quite limited. We often see the single wind turbine at Costco in Reading. As in most other things the Americans have done this in style. All the visible hilltops are covered in turbines, too many to count but in the hundreds and hundreds. There is some wind but not all of them are turning. On the flight over Carol sat next to a 6 year old boy who was travelling by himself. He said that the turbines were what kept Palm cool. We thought that it was a tale told to a small boy but if you see the amount of air-conditioning needed in this part of the world, then he was probably right. Last night we left a restaurant at 9pm and the temperature was 101F.

Finally, just a fairly boring comment on credit card security in the US. When we use our credit card, we are often asked for ID. Carol has been showing her driving licence which has no photo and no signature which appears to be accepted. So far I have not carried my driving licence and have shown Carol's driving licence as proof of my identity. Other times the cashier will notice that the credit card has my signature on it and says "that's OK I can check your signature" and then just give me my card back after swiping it and before I have signed. Probably even more surprising is that for transactions of less than $25, you don't have to sign at all. You will therefore imagine our surprise when we went to the cinema last night and the cashier wouldn't accept our credit card without a proper ID with photo. He relayed a story about how his daughter had recently been stung for $5000 when she lost her credit card. He seems to be fighting his own battle however and I'm not surprised that credit card fraud is much higher in the US than Europe. Those pin numbers are a pain but they do afford some degree of protection.

We are now in the slower part of our holiday so hopefully crises will be few and far between from now on but we do have a couple of trips planned in the next few days and then we head off to LA for 2 days before flying back - so keep reading!

Part 7

Forgive me, it has been a few days since my last confession. Since then there has been lots of obscene eating and spending.

A few days back we had a telephone call at 2am in the morning. Actually it was Carol that initiated the call to find out exam results. Happily we all breathed a sigh of relief that Jason got his A s (was there ever a doubt?) and Holly did very well to get A s in both Art and Drama at AS level. Her D in English was a disappointment but she can retake it. All in all everyone is very happy, so despite the interruption we all return to our sleep very easily.

A couple of nights later we receive a call from Holly at 4am We have another crisis. The Sky has been disconnected. I spend about 20 minutes talking to some chap who sounds like he is sitting in Mumbai to try to find out why the service has been cut off. I explain to him that I am phoning from the US and would very much appreciate if he can speed up. He apologises for the inconvenience and carries on at the same slow pace, repeating everything I say about three times. I give up trying to get customer satisfaction and settle for getting it reconnected. We can fight that battle later. Holly later claims that she got her hours mixed up. Easily done, I suppose.

On Wednesday 15th we take an evening ride in a Hummer into the desert. Our driver s name is Bruce and he and I agree (out of Mrs K s earshot) that we will take the off road route up to the mountain peak. I ask Bruce about earthquakes. He tells me that they occur every day but that we are overdue a big one i.e. bigger than 7.0. I make a small prayer that it won t happen tonight as we drive over the San Andreas fault line. When we were on safari in South Africa, our ranger (Quentin) would often take his Landrover off road and drive over small trees and the like. Bruce s approach was slightly different. We were all a little surprised when he stopped suddenly and jumped out of the Hummer with some garden shears to trim back the coarse bushes on the side of the track. Don’t want to scratch the boss’s new $70,000 new vehicle do we? The road is quite rough and Mrs K s confidence is not improved when at the top of a hill Bruce tells us that the road ahead is not wide enough and he has to reverse back down the hillside, especially as en route we see several car wrecks in the valley below. On the way we spot a rattle snake and get out to take pictures and eventually we make it through the valley and make a pit-stop at the Starbucks in the next town Yes, there is one in every town in the US. From there we journey on to the local mountain peak and can see the whole valley. It’s a fantastic view. The next highlight of the tour is that we go searching for scorpions with U/V torches. This is a concept which seems quite alien to me i.e. if I knew there were scorpions I would more likely instinctively go in the opposite direction. However the kids are excited and in the failing light we find our first specimen, about 10mm long and not likely to give me a problem. Bruce leads us along a trail in the now pitch black and some way from the vehicle. My instinct is to not let him get too far away. Not a place to get lost. Back at the Hummer we get drinks and gaze at the stars. We see some shooting stars and for the first time I see the Milky Way very clearly. We also spot a satellite passing over.

On Friday 17th I eventually get to play golf. I arrive in good time for my 7am tee off and join Sean (from San Francisco) and Pat & Mike (from Monterrey). They are all really nice people who get really excited about my good shots (as you would expect Americans to do) and are sympathetic about my occasional erratic drives. The course weaves it between the Westin resort where we are staying and the Mission Hills Country Club. One of my drives goes dangerously close to a house but Mike reassures, “don t worry, your insurance is safe”. This is the land of the lawsuit and I am unnerved on my next few tee shots. Narrow fairways are a real challenge but the main one is the heat. By the time we go past our villa on the 2nd hole I realise my choice of T-shirt is not wise. My new pink Belfry polo shirt that I thought would make an impression on the Americans (think Ryder Cup) is now showing huge patches of sweat and it is still only 7.30am! Fortunately a few patches of cloud keep the temperature to just under 100F and we make it round the pretty course. It was good to play but I decide that I just am not built to play in those temperatures.

This evening (Saturday) we took a tram ride up the local mountain. In SF cable cars are in fact trams. In PS this tram is a cable car. It has the largest rotating cars in the Western Hemisphere but I am reassured that they were made in Switzerland and not Taiwan. The tram goes up about 8000 feet and from there you can hike another 5 miles to the peak of about 9500ft. We skipped that bit. Three time higher than Table Mountain but only half as high as Mont Blanc - our other 2 notable cable car rides. It’s a stunning view of the whole valley which includes visible signs of the San Andreas fault and we see the evening lights come on before coming down.

Finally, the camera still has not arrived in the post and when we phone the bakery again in St Helena we hear that it is still sitting on the office desk. They apologise and promise to Fedex it immediately. It is due to arrive on Monday, the day we leave for LA. Hopefully it will arrive in the morning as we hear the traffic from here can be horrendous if you leave it too late in the day.

Part 8

We arrive in LA. On the way we had to make an unscheduled stop at a restaurant to collect Sian's sweatshirt that she left there 2 days ago. The drive from PS takes a couple of hours and is fairly easy though we are tested by the LA one way streets before finding our hotel. The decadence of the lobby is inversely proportional to the size of our room. We think that they have given us the wrong room but then we realise that the beds are indeed doubles. Tonight will be cosy. The windows are floor to ceiling which is nice on the 11th floor, especially for the people in the outside glass lift who can see straight into our room.

We make the obligatory visit to rodeo drive and gaze through the shop windows. We settle for the Nike shop where we spend an hour and a half buying 3 items. After that you can shoot me.

On our last full day we decide to go to Universal Studios. We quickly learn the cost of taking the wrong exit on the freeway and end up joining the morning rush hour queues to get into the smog. Through clever map reading by Mrs K we manage to find a short cut off the freeway which cuts the mistake to only 20 mins. Yeah right. Mrs K's map reading is about as good as my cooking.

Carol and I were last here 20 years ago and our impression is that Universal have upped their game considerably. It’s a hot day but the queues are not too bad - normally not more than 10 mins. We take up the 'all you can eat' pass which means we eat free in about 5 restaurants for the day. Well, we are on holiday.

One thing we have noticed in California are the signs hanging in most restaurants saying, "food sold in this restaurant can contain chemicals which are known to cause cancer and other serious diseases". OK then, burger and chips with everything on then?

Mrs K has been very brave and tries the Jurassic Park ride where we are warned we will get wet. They are not lying.

We have been caught out on the street a couple of times. First in SF a guy said to me, "Bet I can tell you where you got those shoes". I agree just out of curiosity even though the prize is a free shoe shine and I am wearing trainers. He says, "you got them on your feet man!" So he proceeds to shine my trainers for a few dollars.

The second occasion was on Rodeo drive where a guy thrust bottles of ice cold water into our hands and tried to charge us $2 a bottle. On that occasion we returned the water.

So imagine my reaction when a guy approaches us at Universal and says "Do you want a front of line pass?" This is a pass which gets you straight to the front of the queue and is worth $60 a head at the front gate. I just walk past the guy but Carol asks him whether it is free. To our surprise he says yes and hands them over. No more queues for the rest of the day! We feel like VIPs.

The quality of the shows is outstanding. The highlight is the Waterworld show during which a seaplane comes over the set and lands in the small area of water right in front of us

Final part

Sorry that wasn't quite finished. Just a final comment about LAX before we leave. Why is it that the Americans devote so much capital to the building of 14 lane highways and massive flyovers and then when it comes to airports they just haven't got a clue. After going through passport control we hope to find a restaurant to kill some time before our flight leaves. We are shocked that the extent of the catering is a small cafe with about 6 tables right next to the departure gate - and it is quite dodgy. After that there is nowhere to sit. The Germans waiting for the next Lufthansa flight have taken all the seats. No change there then. Give me Heathrow any day.

We love to take the p*ss out of the Americans but the fact is that the place is a great holiday destination and the Dollar is cheap. Like Arnie (who we saw yesterday at Universal) we will be back.