Passports, tickets, money?   OK all set.  It’s time for another Keen blog.   Fasten your seat belt.

Our taxi pulls out of Snows Paddock at 3.54am exactly.   We are already 6 minutes ahead of schedule.  It's just me and Mrs K on this trip.  First stop will be Miami and then on to the Bahamas. Well actually we are flying via Madrid. Neither of us can remember why we thought getting a 6.20am flight and stopping over in Madrid for 3 hours would be a good idea but here we are. Terminal 5 is very quiet. In fact there is hardly anything open but we eventually manage to get a coffee.  We are both feeling a bit sick.  It might be the early hour or it might be the thought of what we are leaving behind.  The Keen family (my side) has gone through its own trauma over the last week or so but we are also leaving behind a very sick dog.  Cosmo may have contracted Alabama Rot or Weil's disease, both of which can be fatal.  He is staying with the vet for the time being.  I promise never to complain about the pet insurance premiums again!

Our flight from Madrid is long and the plane is full of very noisy and excitable Spaniards. Somehow we are seated slap bang in the middle of a huge group of about 100 all travelling together.  Before we take off they all have to say hello to each other - lots of kissing. Luckily my new noise cancelling headphones come into their own.  I while away most the trip with Enders Game, The Wire, 24, Dexter and The Big Bang Theory.

At Miami immigration we brace ourselves for long queues and a grumpy official, but we are greeted by Manuel who flirts with Mrs K and then asks if she has any available sisters. But we are not disappointed with the queue which snakes around the baggage hall.  Mrs K sees off a few who try to merge into the queue by making casual conversation about the ridiculous queuing system.

We are staying at the W Aloft which is a chic modern and minimalist hotel in town but not far from the beach. The reception is a bit like a Starbucks and I am wondering if we are the oldest people in the hotel. It seems I should be wearing shorts, trainers and a baseball cap back to front.  I remember that I left my trainers at home so Mrs K suggests we do some shopping on Saturday. Inspired.

We are awake early on Saturday morning and en route to Sawgrass. Most will know this as the venue of the Players Championship (famous for its small island 17^th green). But it is also famous for its outlet mall which is allegedly the largest in the States.  Having walked round it, I can vouch for that. 

Fortunately we are fortified beforehand with a visit to a traditional diner breakfast at a place called Lester's.  Luckily we have sweaters as the aircon is set to ‘icy’.  Our waiter is George who guesses we are from England – he is sharp.  Mrs K cleverly spots George is not local.  He is from New York but relocated to Florida when his home was destroyed in the storm of 2012. He now regards Florida as his new home though it sounded like he was open to better offers.  Mrs K said he was cute but unfortunately for George no offers were forthcoming

Somehow Mrs K keeps me at the mall for six hours but she comes away with some goodies from Calvin Klein at 70% below UK prices so she is happy…..and therefore so am I.  I actually have quite a haul myself though at a slightly lower price level.  Best bargain of the day in my opinion is 20 pairs of underpants at Hanes for $50.  Guess what present you are getting Anthony and Jason!  We soon realise that luggage capacity is going to be a problem so we add yet another cheap suitcase to our collection.

In the evening we head to South Beach and have dinner at the Avalon hotel in its highly rated restaurant.   The traffic is crazy and there is a thunderstorm brewing so we opt for valet parking which means I can slip out of heavy traffic and park right outside the restaurant.  I find myself handing over my keys and $20 to a guy in a blue t-shirt and jeans and hoping he works for the restaurant. We get a prime spot just outside overlooking the passing traffic – both cars and pedestrians – but most importantly under an umbrella as the night sky lights up and the heavens open.  Our waiter Alex is from Slovenia but spent many years working on the QE2  - he is a pro and the food is superb.  We watch under-dressed passers-by struggling in the rain – some coming back from the beach but some on their way to their evening entertainment.  Some real sights.

On Sunday we fly to Nassau, Bahamas.  Hope we see some sun because Miami has offered very little so far.

Part 2

At Miami Airport we arrive early and spend a couple of hours waiting for our flight in a bar.   No wifi is the curse of foreign travel but we find a way to connect to home and news of Cosmo is still not good. He is still with the vet and in good hands but they still don’t know what is wrong with him.  But he is a stubborn old boy and will fight all the way. The girls are watching out for him.

The flight from Miami to Bahamas is only 35 minutes which means not even time for a drink to be served.  We are sat is seats 2A and 2B but sadly there is no curtain a few rows behind us – there is no business class on this flight.  By the looks of the plane (a very old 737) we should be just happy to arrive safely.  At Bahamas airport, there is a delay because the ground handlers can’t get the walkway to work and then when we are waiting for our bags, the carousel breaks down.  We struggle outside with our 3 large suitcases and are directed to the first taxi driver, Pedro.  He is a huge guy, talking on his phone but he waves us to follow him.  We walk past the Mercedes and limousines to his van which looks like it is older than the island’s independence (1973).  He has to help us open the side door because it doesn’t have a handle and Mrs K ends up in the back seat a bit quicker than she planned when she slips on the step. Pedro gives us a running commentary on the way to the hotel and slips me his business card in case we would like to use his services again.  We make it safely to Paradise Island, site of the Atlantis Hotel and the Harborside Resort where we are staying.

We are 2 days into our stay on Paradise Island and will probably need the rest of the week to fully appreciate the scale of this resort.  It has its own huge water adventure park and aquarium.  If you are so inclined you can ride down a tube which passes through a tank of sharks.  Mrs K has no wish to travel quickly through a tube let alone get up close to sharks.  They also have a host of special activities with sea lions and dolphins, and of course there is the casino.  On the way back from the pool, we accidentally find the casino and Mrs K insists on trying her luck on the slots.  I reluctantly agree.  Mrs K has a whale of a time and after celebrating several successful spins I have to point out that she is still down $14.  I have to drag her away, even leaving her complimentary Coke behind.

Mrs K remarks that I have some colour.  Indeed it is a bright shade of pink from our first day in the sun.  It didn’t feel that hot and I was obviously too complacent about the Caribbean sun.  

Mrs K in her new sunglasses                                                  Aquarium in Atlantis hotel lobby

Today we took the short ferry trip over to Nassau. Our guide on the boat gives us all those details which sound interesting but which you immediately forget.  When we arrive at Nassau, he asks “Which is the best nation in the world?”  Bahamas?  No, do-nation.  The town seems to live off the massive cruise shops which stop over each week.  The main street is a version of Rodeo drive with all the luxury brands on offer but we prefer visiting the Straw market where I get my customary holiday mug. On the way back we learn that there are a number of celebrity owners on the island, which was once owned by Donald Trump.  Nicholas Cage, Oprah, Shakira and Tiger Woods.  Correction Tiger's ex-wife now owns it. Apparently the Michael Jackson suite in the hotel costs $25,000 per night and is booked up for 5 years.   Still time to save up! 

We hear from home that Cosmo is showing some signs of improvement and is coming home for a night to spend time with Archie.  Apparently he has been barking at people at the vet  - getting back to his usual self, hopefully.

I have had a very difficult 24 hours.  As well as the pressure of coming up with part 2 of the blog, I lost 3 games of scrabble on the trot and got a case of Bahaman Belly, although it might be sunstroke.  But this afternoon I managed to nip in and take game 7 of the scrabble marathon to make it 4-3.  A combined score of 664 points for 2 players – not bad.

We spent this afternoon by the pool trying to keep up with the Chelsea score.  Our waiter (Devon) brings the check for Caroline and calls her Mrs K.  Is he reading my blog?

This is me hard at work.

Part 3

We ventured off the island on Wednesday night.  Our taxi is a 15-seater driven by James who looks about 80.  He has kids in Birmingham.  The traffic is busy as it is the end of rush hour in Nassau. I am surprised they have one.  But James gets us to our destination via the back roads, squeezing the bus through small gaps.  We arrive at a place called the Fish Fry which is a collection of local restaurants serving.....fish.  About 80% of visitors are in a restaurant which we have read about and James recommends by dropping us right outside. So we go with the crowd. The place is one of a chain of restaurants owned by twin brothers.  It is called "Twin Brothers".  We have some delicious grouper and I have Sky Juice which is an interesting combination of gin, coconut and cream.  

At the hotel we try out the Lazy River.  Mrs K says it is the “unlaziest” river she has ever experienced.  There is a sign which warns that the ride is 'intense'.  This is a typical example of American exaggeration but to be fair there are some rough sections which are challenging for Mrs K.  The biggest challenge for me is reading the signs at the parts of the river where you have a choice between sedate and sporty – I am without specs.   I can only decode which is the right one for me by judging the volume of screams from Mrs K.  I sample one of the even more intense rides in the water park but I skip the shark tube experience.  Mrs K retreats to her sunbed and is kept company by various wildlife including a cat and a lizard.

We are surrounded by Americans.   We have hardly seen any English.  American football is the main sport in the pool.  Even young girls are being tutored by their fathers in how to throw a ball - some of them are really impressive. 

We return to the casino but it is the first time Mrs K has really lost.   I am to blame of course for giving out negative vibes.  We cheer ourselves up with a slice of cake.  Outside the restaurants, luckier guests are relaxing on their yachts.  Some of them are huge, just like the cake.

Some more adventurous guests

As you can tell, it has been quiet here.  Well, except for around most of the pools where music is blaring out at 100dB.  Bahamians don’t move quickly (“we have nowhere to go”) but when it comes to music they come alive.  But we are now experts and finding more peaceful spots so that we can fully concentrate on the job in hand – sleeping and the scrabble marathon.  I mistakenly boast that I can beat Mrs K in my sleep and she notches up a new record score of over 440 including 2 7-letter words.  However, the sleep I was referring to is what I can have between turns – Mrs K is taking the game seriously.  Current score is 8-7, to me of course.

Our last meal is at one the themed restaurants at the marina called Carmines.  I presume it is a recreation of an Italian restaurant from New York.  Mrs K admires the wine rack for our new (fictional) super room.  I admire what’s in it.

The prices are eye-watering but we are reassured by another couple that the dishes are for sharing.  So we go for veal and spaghetti.  Mrs K asks the waitress (Chandera) whether we should order a side.  “NO!!” is the answer.  And when the meal comes we understand why – enough to feed a family.  This is America, well almost.

They are kind enough to put on a carnival for us after our meal.

Cosmo is not improving and has been taken down to see a specialist in Winchester.  Holly reports that he seems better but is on very heavy drugs – Methodone.  We will see him on Monday.

We fly back today (Sunday) via Miami.  Our holiday was, as always, too short, but on the other hand there is only so much relaxation I can enjoy.  Thanks for reading and see you soon.

Jeff