A good time to start writing a holiday blog is possibly in the immigration queue at any major US city. You will get enough time to make a decent start. LA is a drab but functional airport and not a patch on the shopping mall we passed through at Heathrow T5. In preparation for shopping and dining delights the taxi arrived at 6am on Sunday morning for a 9.40am flight.  It was the first of many occasions no doubt on this 2 week trip that I will be out-voted by my female travel companions.  Jason and Anthony are left in the UK.  Jason is in a glow after a successful Olympic games and is working towards the Paralympics.  Anthony is also in a glow after his A level results last Thursday which means that he will off to Birmingham shortly after we get back.

This is a 3 State trip - California, Nevada and Arizona. LA, Vegas and Scottsdale (Phoenix). We have done similar (but not identical) trips in 2007 and 2008 but Holly missed out on both occasions so this will a first for her.

I decide LAX was built for the English. Lots of queues. This is the one just to get out of the terminal.

While we are waiting in the exit queue, a voice announces "passenger Keen just arrived on British Airways from London please check your bag".  All eyes fall on Sian who has a bit of prior on this. (We once got back to the car and she realised she hadn't picked up her bag from the carousel). But it wasn't Sian this time. It was me. I had picked up an identical case and had to hurry it back to baggage where I met a red faced but very relieved guy. A rookie mistake. Oops.

Unfortunately queues are not behind us as we join another long line at the car rental office.  I thought the car was pre-paid for but after we pay for the ‘extras’ I have paid the same again.  We have been persuaded to upgrade the size of the car but when we start to load up the luggage I am relieved we did.  We will be doing about 800 miles on this trip so it would be best not to have cases on laps!

We eventually arrive at the hotel in Westwood, LA – not far from Beverly Hills.  It is a retro hotel (I’m not allowed to use words like trendy or happening) and we are told there is a pool party going on which explains why the lobby is full of girls wandering around in skimpy bikinis.  Look, I didn’t choose this place!  JD, the car valet is very friendly (especially after I give him a tip) and he starts to give us a quick run down of what’s around in walking distance.  He has a tendency to keep squeezing my shoulder – very friendly indeed.

I am rubbish at adapting to a new time zone – we are up with the birds the next morning.  We stop at “Mary & Rob’s” for breakfast and set off for the tourist traps in town. Chinese theatre, Hollywood sign and Rodeo Drive, where I hasten to add there is no going in shops.  This involves a lot of finding our way around town but given that Mrs K is the worst map reader in the world we have invested in a Sat Nav on this trip.  Unfortunately, Mrs K is also incompetent in charge of a Sat Nav too and on our way to the Warner Bros Studio lot tour we end up on the wrong side of town.  We bomb it along the freeway and make it to the studio with literally 1 minute to spare for our appointment but only because Mrs K launches herself straight to the front of the queue to get our tickets – she is very good at some things.

I have had a lot of whingeing from the girls that my blogs are not very complimentary to them.  I have been given a list of things which cannot be mentioned and I am feeling a bit ganged up on.  But what about my readers?  In our hours of roaming aimlessly around the streets of LA looking for the wrong addresses, I have to put up with endless conversation about “Fifty Shades of Grey”, Twilight actresses who are now hated, David Beckham’s underpants and other stuff which I can’t mention – and don’t worry I wouldn’t dream of mentioning.

The Warner Studios tour is really good and worth a try if you visit LA.  It is a 2˝ hour tour around a working studio.  My girls occupy the back row of the elongated buggy that Paul drives round the lot.  He reels off a long list of films and TV shows that are currently in production at the studios.  I hardly recognise any of them but Sian it seems has watched them all, with little squeals of delight at the mention of each one which makes Paul very happy too.  We visit the stage for ‘Ellen’ and Paul proudly shows us all round the place.  I have never seen or indeed ever heard of the show or Ellen so it falls a bit flat for me.  Of more interest are some of the props including the Batman vehicles and the original General Lee.  Apparently, the batmobile has a top speed of 20mph and there is only 1 stunt man who can ride the bat bike thing – so he has to double for batman and batgirl.

 

   

  

We can restrain ourselves no longer and we make our way to Cheesecake Factory in the evening. The new Oreo cheesecake is described as “exquisite” but the choice is unbelievable – the menu runs to something like 20 pages.  But we are well drilled.  No starters and cheesecakes are ‘to go’.

 

Tuesday will feature opposite ends of LA culture – Disneyland and the Getty museum.  More on those next time.

 

 

Part 2

We can't believe it’s our last day in LA.  As I write it is midday Wednesday and we are sitting in a cafe on Venice beach. I know!  We are in prime ‘people-watching’ position and a lot of them look like they are on drugs. Just along the street are several shops where you can get a medical assessment of whether you need marijuana or not. I'm guessing there are a lot of very deserving cases that go through those surgeries.  I am accosted by a guy selling CD's.  I am wearing my Team Great Britain hat and he asks me where I'm from. But he is cool. We have a brief chat about his native Senegal football team that I recently saw at the Olympic quarter final match at Wembley (they lost 4-2 to Mexico). We part with one of those cool handshakes.

We spot the famous Muscle Gym on the beach which looks a bit neglected I have to say. It’s probably about as close to a gym I will get on this trip. We also spend a few minutes watching the skateboarders in the purpose built skate park – there is a lot of falling over.  The girls give the stalls a lot of attention and come away with a few bargains - T shirts and sunglasses.  Anyone else think this guy on the right of the photo looks like Steve Foulser?


Thanks for all your good wishes.  I’m pleased to report that there is no sign of any illness so far – perhaps I shouldn’t have said that.  And thanks to Anthony for pointing out my mistake.  It was of course Cat Woman not Batgirl but you knew who I meant.  Thanks for your sympathies with my ‘girl trouble’.  It seems now that not only do I have to be careful with what I say but I also need to cut out the ‘looks’ too.

Yesterday was a very tiring day but mostly due to bad planning on my part.  I mentioned before that we were sampling both ends of LA's range of culture - Disney and Getty. The girls wanted to spend the day at Disneyland and Mrs K and I opted to visit the Getty Center museum.  Disneyland is at Anaheim which is about 40 miles out of town and the Getty is just a few miles up the road from the hotel.   I didn't think it was such a big deal to drop the girls off in the morning and then go back for them in the evening.  Six lanes of gridlock and 6 hours of my life that I won’t get back! Our Sat Nav continuously advises us to get off the freeway but we soon learn that it doesn't really help - all roads between freeways are equally busy.

But we get to the Getty museum and it is worth the trip, placed on a hilltop overlooking the city with an air of superiority. It has the feel of a futuristic sci-fi set - but it was built in the 80's. Getty must have been an extraordinary man. There is a train to take you from the underground car park up to the museum and from there you can see the whole city in the distance.  Mrs K is in heaven as we get a tour of the gardens and hear about the history of the place. We have posh nosh in the 'upscale' restaurant and then set off to see the masterpieces by Van Gogh, Degas, Monet, Renoir, Cezanne and a few others.  But I’m not sure about this Klimt guy though.

On the way back to Anaheim, Mrs K takes a turn with the driving as I have sampled a few glasses of wine at lunch. I must say she does very well even though this is only the second time she has ever driven in the US. I am a bit unnerved by the way she keeps wandering over the white lines - "I keep forgetting the right hand side of the car is all the way over there", she says. Later that evening on the way back to the hotel (our 2nd 3 hour round trip), Mrs K is driving and we are all asleep. She only has the Sat Nav for conversation. As we get near to home I wake up and have trouble recognising the streets we are using. "Which way did the Sat Nav bring us?" Naturally Mrs K has no idea; she has just been following instructions. Who knows where we have been but we are home safe. Well done Mrs K. It is only 10pm but I am fit for nothing. It was a very long day but the girls had a magical day with Mickey and his friends.

I am now writing lying on Zuma beach which is just along the coast, past Charlie Sheen's beach house in Malibu (Two and a half men). It is supposed to be California's favourite beach and I can see why. Unspoilt and we just saw 3 dolphins swimming just beyond the surf. I am starting to chill now.

 

Part 3

 

We are all sporting a bit of colour from just an hour on the beach on Wednesday. By Thursday afternoon I am writing my next piece some 300 miles east from a Vegas shopping centre.  We left LA early in the morning and stopped off half way in a town called Yermo at a place called Penny's, an authentic roadside diner. George greeted us warmly and didn't take offence when the girls rushed past him on the way to the less than sparkling restrooms.  This is one of those diners which is not much bigger than a shipping container.  It is silver to reflect the heat of the sun.

George is about 55 or 60 wears a faded baseball cap and has a couple of teeth missing but he is warm and friendly. I bet he hasn't been outside of the US and probably hasn't been much outside California or Nevada. He just kept saying, "I just love the way you talk".

I wanted to sit at the counter with the other sun baked truckers but I didn't have my 37 ton 12 wheeler outside so settled into the booth with the girls where George really looked after us.

Thursday is Sian's day. Her GCSE results are excellent. She is a bit hard on herself in a couple of subjects where she missed the grades she was hoping for but elsewhere she did better than expected. 8 A's is not too shabby. In fact her grades are almost identical to mine but they were so much harder in my day of course!

The drive from LA to Vegas is much more interesting than I thought it would be - over desert but also across mountains with some spectacular views which you won’t really get from this picture.  

 

 

We have a smooth run, and pull up outside Caesar's Palace on the strip around 1pm.  We opt for the complimentary valet parking.  There is something decadent about just handing your car and luggage over to a guy in a hotel uniform with the engine running. Mrs K remarks “Self Parking - why would you?”

Sean (from Hawaii) checks us in. He notes we have only booked a deluxe room and offers an upgrade.  I go for it and his fingers go into overdrive on the keyboard as he races to secure the rooms and no doubt his incentive fee.  Apparently the hotel is over 95% full.  Holly and Sian are more than pleased with their room - the jacuzzi, the phone in the loo and TV in the bathroom clinch it.

We are only here for 3 days so the girls don't want to waste any time at all. It is straight out to the premium outlets for a shopping taster. I get all my shopping out of the way in a couple of hours so the girls can come back another day for a more serious look without me tagging along. Prices are about a third of what you will pay in the UK so I get value for money. Mrs K is urging me on. The more I spend, the more she can spend.

In the evening, we grab a bite to eat on the strip and then hit the casino. This first entails simply trying to understand how the machines work. But of course the principle is quite straightforward - you put your bills in and watch the money drain away.  I am told off for spoiling everyone’s fun.  To me, just blindly hitting the button on the slot machines without any hint of influence on the outcome of the game is just not much fun at all.  Mrs K however loves it and sure enough she hits the jackpot again (as she did last time we were here). She wins $100 on a 1c machine and starts screaming hysterically.  People on the nearby roulette table (where bets of $1000 are being made on every spin) are looking over and Holly said she heard someone behind us say "Shut up".  There is no bucket to collect the coins in.  Vegas has gone digital, so Mrs K is waving around a ticket with her winnings on it. I have persuaded her to take a break and we celebrate with an ice cream and a coffee. Sian is hanging around with us at the machines but eventually she is spotted as underage and has to retreat to the room. We feel a bit guilty that her special day has to end like that but it is not long after that our money is gone (Mrs K has a strict budget) and we follow her.

 

 

Part 4

 

It is Sunday .  We have arrived in Arizona.  Scottsdale near Phoenix to be precise.  It is warm as expected – about 39C in the shade but it is a dry heat and a bit like reaching into a hot oven, not that I do much of that.  I am told Scottsdale is for retirees and people that play golf.  Well, I am certainly the latter and probably aspiring to be the former.  We made it in 7 hours from Vegas, door to door, including various stops including the Hoover Dam and three rest stops.  Not too bad, considering the low speed limits and threat of police radar.  On the way we stopped in a town called Kingman, just for gas and the restrooms.  Mrs K asked the woman at the gas station what was the best place to stop between Kingman and Phoenix (a drive of about 190 miles).  She said “Phoenix”.  Not much out there then.

 

As we got close to Phoenix, we stopped at the Village Inn -another tick on the list of the girls’ dining requests for the trip – greeted with whoops of delight from the back of the car.  It is Sunday lunch and it must be OAP day.  But we are here for the pie – Jason would love to be here.  The pies are famous and they take them very seriously with special parking spots outside for pie pick ups.

 

 

 

It was a pleasant drive even if I did have to listen to Beyonce, Wicked, Bruno Mars and other non descript vocal artists for most of the way.  But now we are tranquillity after the bedlam of Vegas.

 

Vegas baby Vegas.  I just wanted to say that.  Last time, I told you about Mrs K’s first evening of gambling. On Friday she was at it again, turning $20 into $265 within the first 20 minutes of sitting at the 1c slots.  Even I am starting to believe.  Not in my luck though, hers, because every time I feed in a $5 note, the cash disappears in no time.  Mrs K however seems to have a knack for generating “bonus spins” which generate prizes of $50-60 for $1 bets.  Even after a losing streak she still walks away with a $150 profit.  She is pretty pleased with herself.  Holly and I are a bit grumpy that she seems to get all the luck but at least she is offsetting my losses!

 

We like to come to the US because we usually get value for money.  At the Caesars pool, I decide to have a margarita which comes in a pint glass and is brought over by Sarah in a white skimpy bikini (just completing the image for you).  We later find out it cost $22.  Almost on a par with the $14 cup of tea that I had in LA.  But this is Vegas and they have you captive.  There is no free wifi in the hotel – you have to pay $25 a day per device but we have a solution for that – it’s called Starbucks.  There is one in the hotel (where the coffee prices are double the normal) but it doesn’t have wifi so we have go out and find one.

 

At the pool there is very little shade which is presumably a way to persuade you to spend your time in the casino and not sunbathing.  There are dancing girls at the pool and thumping music coming from an area which is called the Venus Pool club. People are lining up to get in like they would outside a nightclub. The fact that I can't think why people would want to means that it is not for me. 

 

Saturday was more shopping for the girls and cinema and rest  time for me.  In the evening we had a very nice meal and then walked the strip, sampling a few of the hotels and the sights.  It is very busy and still very warm despite almost being midnight and we are soon flagging.  If you have been here you will know that these hotels are vast properties.  Mrs K has only just discovered that Caesars has a shopping mall attached to it which would rival Westfield .  Sadly we leave first thing the next morning.  It might just be me but Vegas appears to be hen party city – groups of girls appear to outnumber guys by 10 to 1.  They are all eagerly queuing up outside the hottest night club spots.  I am feeling very old.

 

Monday morning in Scottsdale, I am lying under a huge umbrella.  It has got my name on it.  It is 39C again and I am wondering whether playing golf in these temperatures is a good idea.  I spoke to someone last night who said we were lucky that we missed last week when it was 43C and very high humidity.  It’s the humidity that is hard to cope with which is different to the normal dry desert heat.

 

This morning we doubted whether we had the right time.  We were confused by the fact that we had moved to a different time zone (called Mountain time for some reason).  But now that we are back on complimentary wifi, a quick check on Google cleared up the confusion.  Yes, we are in a new time zone but Arizona has not moved to Daylight saving so we are still 8 hours behind the UK.  How nice that we have been here 24 hours without being sure what the time of day is!

 

Our dining experiences have passed almost without comment on this trip - which is probably quite unusual.  Although the girls did order a shake to go after breakfast the other day (Holly said it was the best milkshake she has ever had), we have tried to be restrained.  But it isn't always that easy. My new Levi jeans are already feeling a bit tight.  

 

The more interesting part of the American dining experience however is the service.  "Hello folks, my name is Jeremy and I will be your server today". Those proved to be chilling words uttered by our waiter at a place called 'The Olive Garden' which is a poor impression of an Italian restaurant.  Jeremy takes his job very seriously and was all over us at every opportunity. He can’t walk past our table without stopping to check that we are happy.  Such attention is novel the first couple of times but it does get a bit wearing.  We decide that Jeremy is a bit weird.  When we arrived at the restaurant, Holly sat in the waiting area next to what she thought was a plastic man, but then he moved.  His hairpiece is shiny and looks like it has been painted on.  Plastic man sits alone at the table next to us and orders from the kids menu.  Also weird.  My favourite sever was a girl on the Vegas strip.  She was efficient but matter of fact. I would give you her name but unusually she didn't give it to us.  We asked her about the timing of the Bellagio hotel fountain show and she just said, "oh, all the time". A breath of fresh air.

 

You probably couldn't get more of a contrast than that between Vegas and Scottsdale.  No pictures of naked princes here.  There might be a few fake boobs round the pool here but they are not out for show like they were on the strip.  We are relieved to get to the relaxation part of our trip - no doubt another sign of advancing years.  Time for another sip of margarita and dip in the pool - this might be the last excerpt!

 

 

Part 5

 

 

Now let’s see.  Last time I was by the pool, sipping a margarita.  Now I am by the pool, sipping a pina colada.  Bit of a girl’s drink I know, but I like it and I am just keeping in the spirit of the labour day weekend festivities – a cocktail for each colour of the American flag.  But I don’t want to give you the impression that we have just been sitting round doing nothing – we have only been doing that for about 80% of the time. 

 

On Wednesday we went see a baseball match between Arizona Diamondbacks and Cincinnati Reds. This was our first National League baseball match – we saw Tampa Bay Devil Rays play a few years ago but that was in the lower American League.  The game itself wasn’t all that exciting.  The D-Backs lost 5-2.  We didn’t see any home runs.  There was a guy from Somerset sitting next to me.  He is working over here but was explaining the rules to his daughter who was over for a visit so I was earwigging and passing on the knowledge down the line.  But I didn’t need to bother because Mrs K was being chatted up a geezer in the row behind us who used to live in Sunningdale.  He was about 75 I reckon and asked Mrs K how old she was.  She is fighting them off I tell you.  The crowd never seems to get all that excited – it seems to be more like a cricket test match with lots of fast food thrown in.  It is 7pm in the evening and 110F so we are very happy that they have decided to close the roof and air-condition the whole stadium down to about 78F.  It is an amazing structure.  I ask what happens if a ball hits the roof but the guy next to me said to me he had never seen it – and it is a long way up so I can understand why.  To get a home run they have to clear a 10ft high line 330ft out from the square – that is further than the maximum distance allowed in cricket from the crease to the boundary.  One guy did get it out there but not high enough and he only got to 3rd base.  That was the highlight of the game which went on for 2˝ hours.  But it was amazing to see how quickly the pitchers can throw the ball (up to 100mph) and how accurate the fielders are in getting the ball to 1st base.

 

     

 

    

 

This morning was more sport.  As the temperature dropped below 100F I decided to venture out onto the golf course here at the resort and Sian opted to come out with me and drive the cart.  Her driving wasn’t too bad but not as good as mine as I shot my lowest ever score (80).  To be honest it was lost on my golfing companions who didn’t know my usual low standard and Sian was more interested in looking out for lizards and bunny rabbits.  Still, I was chuffed.  Mrs K is now urging me to go look for a new set of golf clubs to celebrate but that is to ease her guilt after a sinful morning of shopping – new handbag and purse.  She says it is her annual bonus but I don’t remember the review meeting for that.  Mrs K and Holly come back barely on speaking terms.  The accusation is that Mrs K spotted a pair of sunglasses on a very special (one only) offer - $31 instead of $250.  She bought them but Holly had already said previously that she wanted them, but for the price.  Mrs K is not backing down.  Our game of golf was so much more civilised this morning.  Sian and I had the company of Al and Doug from Chicago who were just a pleasure to be with.

 

 

There was more sport the other evening when we went to the movies and went for something to eat before at Hooters.  I must say it was the cheapest and worst food we have had in the US on this trip – but who cares.  Mrs K was not impressed.  Again we split up to watch different films.  Mrs K and the girls had the screen to themselves to watch Sparkle (well, who else would want to watch Whitney) and I had to share with a couple to watch the Bourne Legacy.

 

Mrs K has been driving around town quite happily.  It is reported to me that she has been doing very well except once when she found herself on the wrong side of the street.  I am happy that I was having a golf lesson at the time.  

 

 

The pool is relatively heaving this afternoon (Friday) as we come into the Labor day weekend and private jets are flying into and out of the nearby Scottsdale airport.  Last night we were turned away from a restaurant because of the queue.  Not much sign of recession here.

 

Unbelievably we are nearing the end of our stay.  We have another day or so of chilling and trying not to get burnt and then fly back to civilised temperatures in the UK on Sunday.  We haven’t seen any football but are glad that Chelsea are in their rightful spot at the top of the Premiership. Thanks for reading.   Going back to those cocktails now.

 

See you all soon